A Sort of Beetlejuice
by ButtonsMagoo
Summary: When one of Naboo's new security systems kills Howard and Vince, the two find themselves stuck in a kind of limbo at the Flat. With Naboo not helping they seek the help from a Bio-Exorcist; BeetleJuice
1. Funny kind of heating

Hey, it's good to be writing again.

Let's just cut to the chase, I write this after watching a very well known (and if you don't know this film you need shooting really) film by Tim Burton; Beetlejuice.

Now, unlike usual crossovers where the script is just changed to fit around the characters I've *tried* to make this as original, whilst still sticking to the plotline.

Howard and Vince are together in this, though no obvious slash (for now) so if you don't like, don't read, okay?

I hope you'll appreciate this as I enjoyed writing this first chapter, and more should come soon.

Warnings: Character death, but not dead, if you get me. Also, be aware of the bad, bad jokes – what can I say, I love trying to make people laugh.

Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh and all affiliates belong to Noel Fielding, Julian Barratt and Baby cow. Beetle Juice belongs to Warner Bros productions and Tim Burton.

Enjoy the show x

* * *

Howard Moon and Vince Noir, best friends since Nursery, or was it High School, or did they meet at…well they were friends and lets just leave it there, frequent trouble causers and most importantly, engaged lovers.

Now in their thirties, living in a flat and working for their landlord to pay their keep, life didn't seem to be going to well for the aspiring cream poet, jazz musician, man of action/global explorer and the budding rock star, if it wasn't for their engagement some would say they didn't have a _life at all_.

Howard sat behind the glowing green cash desk and rubbed his hands together, rather 'matter of factly'.

"I think we've hauled in quite the crowd today, oh boy am I exhausted."

"Howard," Vince sighed, looking over his magazine. "We had one girl come in because she needed the toilet and a man coming in because he thought it was a cheaper version of Anne Summers."

"Well if you didn't have those boots in the window, they look like something from a 70's porno."

"Hey, they're Vintage!" Vince pouted, burying his head back into his magazine; oh, gypsy skirts were back in, were they even _in_ at all?

"Well, they're not selling are they? Anyway, shush, Stationary Village needs a rethink."

Vince rolled his eyes affectionately and carried on reading, fascinated now about the origin of the eye patch. He only managed to read the title before:

"I know what it needs!"

Vince jumped, startled out of his concentration "What?"

"Stationary Village, I know what it needs! Winter is upon us, I've already mastered Ink Cartridge Igloo but it needs something more, it needs… something else, think Vince, think!"

"I dunno… glue-stick glacier?"

"Glue-stick Glacier, Vince my darling you're a genius. I could kiss you!"

"Go on then." Vince smirked; Howard shook his head, not noticing Vince's face fall into a scowl.

"No time, we must make a run to the shops – I have glue sticks to buy and polystyrene and then some stronger glue, get your coat!" Howard smiled, darting past Vince and spinning the shop sign around to 'closed'.

"Oi, where do you two think you're going?" Naboo's south London lisp shouted from upstairs, Howard sighed and shouted back.

"Urgent shop errand, we won't be long if we take the van."

"I wouldn't, I'm making some few adjustments to it. Walk."

"Ugh, Howard I aint walking it is freezing. Just go in the van, what harm can it do, we're only going to the shop."

Those were famous last words, if there were any.

_10 minutes later_

Vince sighed, how they'd ended up in the countryside was beyond them, the shop was only downtown.

"If we take this left we should get back into the city." Howard mumbled to himself, flicking his indicators on and making the aformented turn, another country lane Vince thought; great.

"Howard, love, if we're going to be driving around for three hours can I at least put the heating on?"

"Of course sweetheart, I thought it already was on."

"No, of course it isn't… that's why there's icicles dancing on the dashboard." Vince pointed at the dashboard for Howard and surely enough, there on the plastic was three dancing icicles, performing the Macarena.

"Uh, we're here until Thursday!"

Vince looked at the dials on the control panel of the van, there were three of them; one had numbers on, so Vince presumed that had something to do with speed of the van and didn't touch it. The second one had blue and red coloured lines around the edge and the third was covered in wavy lines and stars, Vince considered the coloured one first but then realized that other one seemed more plausible, after all the wavy lines had to have symbolised air, right? He spun the dial round to and sat back and closed his eyes, waiting to be soothed by a blanket of hot air.

He opened one eye, checking to see if he'd done it right, he couldn't feel the heat blowing from the heater in front of him, he sat forward and fiddled with the grate above the glove compartment, realising it had been switched off he flicked it on, a blue plume of shimmering dust that was anything but warm slowly flooded the van.

"Howard, why's the van coughing up blue stuff?"

"What're you talking about?"

"Look." Vince said pointedly, they both gazed at the cloud before slumping in their seats, dead.

--

"Oh you have got to be kidding me." Naboo sighed, his tea leaves had spelled out: _Vince and Howard stuck somewhere outside London, set off poisoned gas alarm, both dead, await their arrival. _At the bottom of his mug (It was a very large mug)

"Master Naboo, what's wrong?" Bollo grunted.

"Those Ball bags took the van, and set of the poisonous gas I installed as a new alarm system, they're dead."

"What does this mean?"

"Bad Ju Ju." Naboo nodded expertly.

--

"How did we get back to the flat so quick?" Howard asked, looking around their porch.

"I'm not too sure, but all this seems quite familiar." Vince said, nodding, his face wracked with thought.

"So this happens to you every day does it sonny Jim?"

"It was in a film."

"A film, what film?"

Vince gulped, "…Beetlejuice."


	2. Discovery of the Deceased

Sorry for the slow update. Thank you so far to all those who've read and responded.

Not mine.

* * *

Howard laughed, _Beetlejuice _Just what exactly was Vince talking about?

"Vince, what are you talking about? What's Beetlejuice?"

"Okay what? You've never seen," He paused in disbelief "I'll tell you off for that later, that film is legendary. Though, the main characters, the _couple, _die and find themselves mysteriously brought back to their house with no idea how they got there, they wander around and discover that they can't look in the mirror."

"That's your idea of a horror film is it? People not being able to look at their own reflection, I should've known. I'm going to get Naboo." Howard sighed, watching as Vince wandered off to the mirror in the hall.

"No, Howard wait." Vince shouted, beckoning Howard over with his hand. Howard stood next to Vince the mirror and looked for their reflection, a reflection that wasn't there. Vince screwed his face up in what might have been deep thought but Howard also decided it might be shock and horror that he would never see his face again.

"Are you okay Little Man?"

"Yeah, so do you think that blue cloudy stuff was poison and killed us?"

"You don't honestly believe we're dead do you? Naboo probably just charmed the mirrors to not reflect."

"What would be the point in that?" Vince quizzed.

"So you won't get your grubby finger prints all over them?"

"Hey, my hands aren't grubby. We should really go and talk to Naboo, straighten this out yeah?"

Howard nodded and Vince led the way upstairs into the living space.

Naboo smirked; watching as the two men stood explaining what happened and begged him for help.

"Guys, you're dead. Gassed and poisoned. Basically, get used to it cos it's not going to change."

"Well, thanks for the sympathy sir, thank you very much."

"Oh c'mon Naboo, aint there anything you can do – rustle up a magical quiche that can reverse the spell of the gas?" Vince begged.

"Vince, I can't just _rustle up a quiche _it's far more complicated than basic beige magic. Though I can give you this, it's a guide for the recently deceased basically gives you the ins and outs of being dead."

Vince glared at the large book and dumped it into Howard's arms, after all books was more Howards domain. Vince liked shiny things, though today wasn't very shiny at all it was black, black as death black as… black, maybe Goth would come back, at least now he could pull off the dead look.

"Anyway, I'm going out." Naboo announced. Vince and Howard sighed.

"Okay, yeah. You're friends die but you just pop out for a bit we don't mind." Vince grumbled. Naboo rolled his eyes.

"Look, I've now got two spare beds that need filling. I've got to get my money from somewhere. I'm sorry your dead, but really it's your faults. I told you to walk to town. Now, get reading!" and in a puff of smoke he was gone. Vince mumbled… what could only be described foul language under his breath and wandered around the room, trying to get into being a ghost.

"Good old Naboo, considerate as ever. So, does this mean we're like stuck in here forever now?" Vince asked, perching on the arm of the sofa, looking over his fiancés shoulder, at least he was stuck with the person he loved and not with someone like Gordon Brown.

"I don't think so, we might be able to go outside. You stay here, I'll go and look." Howard smiled, putting the handbook down and making his way to the door, he stepped out onto the doorstep and found himself face down in some sand, well this is odd he thought, he looked up and screamed. Above him was the all too familiar face of Xzantar, the Xooberonian guard/cave man from many years ago. He flinched and brought his arms to his face, covering his pride and joy – his moustache.

"Please, don't kill me… wait I'm already dead, wow I need to come up with a new catchphrase now."

"Oi, Howard. When you've stopped talking to yourself do you wanna grab my hand?" Vince shouted from the open door, now seeming to be floating in the sky. Howard couldn't refuse that offer for the not-life of him and grabbed onto Vince's hand, who pulled him back into the flat.

"Guess what. We can't leave the house unless we want to end up buried up to our necks in sand again."

Vince groaned.

"So our afterlife is just going to be spent sitting around in this dump? Watching as Naboo brings people into our rooms to wear our… my clothes! Howard. I can't be stuck wearing this all the time, I'll be out of trend."

"You look fine to me, and it'll just be me and Naboo who'll see you. No one will care, and anyway can we move onto more pressing matters."

"Pressing matters?"

"Yes darling, matters like the fact that we're dead."

Before Vince could reply Naboo re-appeared at the top of the stairs, smiling, behind him the two new occupants: Harold Moon and Lance Dior.

Vince and Howard could've screamed.


End file.
